Hatchet (Unrated Director's Cut)

“This is the best horror movie I have ever been involved with. All I can say is that it’s great. I stake my reputation on it.” – KANE HODDER

This was bad. And not Michael Jackson "Bad". Or perhaps it IS Michael Jackson bad. Like "Captain Neo" bad. Sha-mone! I was not amused after being fish-hooked into seeing this in theaters on the promise of "the best slasher film in twenty years". If you missed the bullshit reviews, seriously, you need to see them to believe them. They claimed "Victor Crowley will be the first film killer in years to join the upper echelon ranks of Michael, Jason, and Freddy. He is the next big thing in horror."

Now, I'm well aware of the "quote whores" who will praise any movie to the high heavens for promotional purposes, but these were quotes from people I thought I could trust. Horror fans. Bloody Disgusting. Even Jason and Freddy themselves. And I can account for differences in opinion, but these were all unequivocal, in no uncertain terms. Now that I've had time to reflect on the experience, I think I might have actually enjoyed this movie if the reviews hadn't totally skewed my expectations.

It seems they said those things to get funding, or distribution. I can't imagine they really meant them. I can imagine they might have enjoyed the movie, but not what they said in those quotes. It must have been done to get an original small-budget horror film in theaters. I'm all for that, especially with the never-ending onslaught of remakes. But now they're all the boys who cried wolf in my eyes. Couldn't it have been done with favorable honest reviews? Are they really helping horror if the picture underperforms? Isn't that just going to make it harder for the next independent filmmaker who's really holding the next classic?

Maybe I'm just a total noob. I'm certainly not too familiar with the inner workings of the horror film industry. But this one really left a bad taste in my mouth. I fell for it hook, line and sinker and was left feeling completely hosed.

However, I'll be renting this when it comes out next week to watch all the extras. I'm really curious about what the tone of the commentary will be. With my expectations completely dashed, there's nowhere to go but up. Knowing what to expect (and what not to expect) the second time around, and having a skip forward button, hopefully I'll enjoy it more for what it is.

If you haven't seen it, folks, expect a B-movie with a lot of comedy. With that mindset, you'll probably like it a lot.

From memory, there was nobody to root for but the killer. He was way too sympathetic, and the victims were all annoying as hell. Then, they don't allow that direction to pay off. I think it was just a poor formula. What it had going for it was the humor and special effects.

I'm willing to wipe the slate clean and give this one another chance. I'll freely admit if my opinion has improved when I rent it in the next week or two. Reviewers are still raving about it in second wave of reviews for the DVD, so maybe I'm just the odd girl out on this one. If you liked it, please feel free to take me to school in the comments and vote in the poll on the side bar.

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Release Date: 12/11/2007 ----Release Date: 12/18/2007